June 3, 2013 at 2:47 pm
The Dixie Flatline (6/3/2013)
jcrawf02 (6/3/2013)
Stefan Krzywicki (6/3/2013)
The Dixie Flatline (6/3/2013)
What does a MAX datatype do?Pulls a sled for the Grinch datatype
Wow, 78 seconds (between posts) to come up with the best SQL joke I've ever heard. Bravo!
Bobby Tables aka Robert Pearl (ask him about it) 😀
Jason...AKA CirqueDeSQLeil
_______________________________________________
I have given a name to my pain...MCM SQL Server, MVP
SQL RNNR
Posting Performance Based Questions - Gail Shaw[/url]
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June 3, 2013 at 3:35 pm
wolfkillj (6/3/2013)
I heard a great joke for nerds (I was about to call it "nerd joke", but it's for nerds, not about nerds) this weekend:Why do computer science majors always confuse Halloween and Christmas?
(Scroll down for answer)
Because oct 31 = dec 25
Feel free to admit that your nerd-fu is weak if you don't get it. 😉
I must be a nerd, coz I actually got it :w00t:
June 3, 2013 at 3:40 pm
It took me a while to get it. I had to cut off my thumbs first.
Jwolfkill advises me that if I cut off both my big toes I can do hex as well.
__________________________________________________
Against stupidity the gods themselves contend in vain. -- Friedrich Schiller
Stop, children, what's that sound? Everybody look what's going down. -- Stephen Stills
June 3, 2013 at 4:45 pm
Jan Van der Eecken (6/3/2013)
wolfkillj (6/3/2013)
I heard a great joke for nerds (I was about to call it "nerd joke", but it's for nerds, not about nerds) this weekend:Why do computer science majors always confuse Halloween and Christmas?
(Scroll down for answer)
Because oct 31 = dec 25
Feel free to admit that your nerd-fu is weak if you don't get it. 😉
I must be a nerd, coz I actually got it :w00t:
Needs some kind of scale for time to get it.
doesn't seem to work the same as or 1=1
June 3, 2013 at 5:04 pm
dbursey (6/3/2013)
Stefan Krzywicki (6/3/2013)
dbursey (6/3/2013)
Greg Edwards-268690 (6/3/2013)
Stefan Krzywicki (6/3/2013)
Greg Edwards-268690 (6/3/2013)
David Burrows (6/3/2013)
Jack Corbett (5/31/2013)
2. I can't stand when developers create databases without a data professional involved.:ermm:
I'm a developer, I create databases without a data professional as I do not have one to consult (nor a DBA) :rolleyes:
I suppose it makes me the DBA :pinch:
When you have to work with what you create, you learn from your mistakes.
Which can be the best way to learn.
No problem with those that can switch hats during the day.
Sometimes since they know the whole picture, very solid solutions come into use.
What I hate is the developers that try to make 1 column represent multiple things, then code logic around it.
If column A has a Work Center, then column B is production quantity for the work center.
If column A is a Department, then column B is total qty for the day for the department.
If column is NULL, then column B is something completely different.
I don't know what they think they are saving.
The worst is when they include 20+ "User Defined fields" called User1, User2, etc...
Maybe that's what they are saving - not having to define a name that means anything.
That could limit (or draw questions) if the field represents mulitple things.
And everyone knows that nvarchar(max) is very flexible.
Data types? Just an unecessary constraint!
As one of the aforementioned "they" - bad code is bad code, an illogical mind is an illogical mind, and there are quite a few of us who also hate stupid meaningless column names and dumb case statements. Not to mention my pet peeve - run-on statements with no formatting. You can't even tell what from clause goes with which select statement. Yikes! Anyway - don't lump us all together.
Donna
Sorry, the only people I meant by "they" is the people who design tables like that. I've seen developers do it and I've seen DBAs do it. They think they're being clever. I'm an architect/developer who ends up doing DBA things because I tend to work in small shops. Sorry if my statement was overly broad.
I hear you...I'm in the same boat right now with the DBA stuff (not any more, in about two weeks), and the things I see...implicit conversions being most prevelant and egregious....and you mention it, and the blank look is...well, you've gotta laugh.
For the same and similar reasons, I found a way to greatly simplify my life about 35 years ago. It's super simple, too. I wake up in the morning hating eveyone and the code they came in on and make exceptions from there. 😀
--Jeff Moden
June 3, 2013 at 5:09 pm
wolfkillj (6/3/2013)
I heard a great joke for nerds (I was about to call it "nerd joke", but it's for nerds, not about nerds) this weekend:Why do computer science majors always confuse Halloween and Christmas?
(Scroll down for answer)
Because oct 31 = dec 25
Feel free to admit that your nerd-fu is weak if you don't get it. 😉
I really need to get more of a life... I actually thought the answer before I saw it.
--Jeff Moden
June 3, 2013 at 6:13 pm
Brandie Tarvin (6/3/2013)
Speaking of SQL_Variant, does anyone here actually use it?I've never found a reason to use it or a need that made sense, so I'd love to hear real world cases of why and where others might use it.
I actually do use it at work.
We have a "column level" audit table that is feed by trigger from 10 other tables. We do the column level audits instead of whole row audits because of the size of these {legacy} tables. The widest one is 140 columns wide. After the initial insert (which is NOT audited), only 4 or 5 columns may ever change.
Anyway, the original version, that someone wrote years ago, stored {gasp!} formatted dates, formatted currency amounts (including commas and "$" signs), formatted bit columns (True/False instead of 1/0), and several other atrocities. It made for a performance nightmare to find anything for reporting and another performance nightmare when the table was updated (not to mention the crappy and terribly slow "automatic CLR" triggers some dill-weed wrote and published on the internet). It was taking 4 minutes to update 5 columns on just 10,000 rows because of all that.
To make a much longer story shorter, I rewrote the triggers using T-SQL which brought the 5 column/10K row updates down to sub second times like they should be and rebuilt the audit table to use SQL_Variant so I wouldn't have to do any explicit conversions, which also helped a lot on the inserts to the audit table. It also simplified and increased the performance of reporting a quite a bit because I no longer needed to "un-convert" converted data to search it. Existing reports didn't need to be changed, either, because I wrote a view that would read the data-type stored in the meta-data of SQL_Variant for the final formatting (I didn't write the damned things... but I do have to support them until I can replace them. You know how THAT goes. ;-))
"The King and Queen reveled in the new-found throughput as their subjects' applications suddenly roared to life as the mighty and transparent change raised its purposeful head for the first time. The oft-misunderstood old data-troll that patrolled the land of the server and had conjured the new-born creature from the dust of memories no longer seemed so bad or ugly to the programming fairies or the now famished and ravenous consumers of information and was invited to a great celebration of performance. Even the server settled in its foundation and ceased to spout fire and that brought great joy to the dust bunnies living in its shadow. The data was right and the delivery was performant, once more, and they all lived happily ever after in the nether world we know as "Audit". 😀
--Jeff Moden
June 4, 2013 at 4:41 am
Just got off a conference call, and the subject of DR came up.
The reply?
"well it would be nice, but we've never had any problems so far"...
I'm sure we've all been on that call before...
How do you answer it?
Rodders...
June 4, 2013 at 5:23 am
rodjkidd (6/4/2013)
Just got off a conference call, and the subject of DR came up.The reply?
"well it would be nice, but we've never had any problems so far"...
I'm sure we've all been on that call before...
How do you answer it?
Rodders...
DBCC NEW_JOB?
I'm a DBA.
I'm not paid to solve problems. I'm paid to prevent them.
June 4, 2013 at 5:32 am
rodjkidd (6/4/2013)
How do you answer it?
"What would happen to your business if you lost the entire server room right now? Do you want to gamble the business and everyone's job on the chance that such an event won't happen?"
It's like buying insurance for a car. Just because you've never had an accident doesn't mean you'll drive an uninsured car.
Gail Shaw
Microsoft Certified Master: SQL Server, MVP, M.Sc (Comp Sci)
SQL In The Wild: Discussions on DB performance with occasional diversions into recoverability
June 4, 2013 at 6:01 am
wolfkillj (6/3/2013)
I heard a great joke for nerds (I was about to call it "nerd joke", but it's for nerds, not about nerds) this weekend:Why do computer science majors always confuse Halloween and Christmas?
(Scroll down for answer)
Because oct 31 = dec 25
Feel free to admit that your nerd-fu is weak if you don't get it. 😉
I am a geek, not a nerd. So ... No, I don't get it. Please 'splain?
June 4, 2013 at 6:08 am
rodjkidd (6/4/2013)
How do you answer it?
"How much is your business worth? How much will it be worth when you lose everything?"
Some system has gone down sometime. They've either had a power outage at one point or lost their phone system. Put the dollars into context with a disaster they did have (but maybe didn't involve the computers). Then ask them the question again. "How much is your business worth?"
June 4, 2013 at 6:39 am
rodjkidd (6/4/2013)
Just got off a conference call, and the subject of DR came up.The reply?
"well it would be nice, but we've never had any problems so far"...
I'm sure we've all been on that call before...
How do you answer it?
Rodders...
DR can be as simple as backups with media taken offsite to warm site / complete offsite recovery.
What is the cost of not being able to use your system for any given length of time?
This will vary quite a bit depending on the business - size and type of business come to mind.
I think I might be bold enough to ask should something happen, are they prepared to explain and take the blame for no plan?
Having some kind of plan shows they at least evaluated the risk to the business.
We went as far as outlining how to run Mfg without having the ERP system available.
So we could still build product and ship it while waiting for the systems to be rebuilt.
There have been a number of businesses that had no plan, had a disaster, then ceased to exist.
I'm sure most of them never had a problem before either.
June 4, 2013 at 6:44 am
andrew gothard (6/4/2013)
rodjkidd (6/4/2013)
Just got off a conference call, and the subject of DR came up.The reply?
"well it would be nice, but we've never had any problems so far"...
I'm sure we've all been on that call before...
How do you answer it?
Rodders...
DBCC NEW_JOB?
DBCC Timewarp - I guess this might not work for all disasters.
It's only for the systems, not all the other infrastructure.
June 4, 2013 at 6:59 am
Brandie Tarvin (6/4/2013)
Please 'splain?
It's referring to the number base.
dec 25, 25 in decimal, ie base 10. 2x10+5
oct 31, 31 in octal, ie base 8. 3x8+1
They're the same number. In base 2, binary, it would be 11001. In base 16, hexadecimal, it would be 19
Gail Shaw
Microsoft Certified Master: SQL Server, MVP, M.Sc (Comp Sci)
SQL In The Wild: Discussions on DB performance with occasional diversions into recoverability
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