As I've related previously (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5) I've been working author and speaker Don Gabor on my networking skills. We recently did our final call of the six hours coaching planned, and thought I'd share some final thoughts.

Whether it's natural, because he often does training, or whether it's part of what makes him good at speaking, Don is a good listener. Not the listen and nod your head kind of listener, the listen for the hidden meaning and clues that enable him to offer feedback and insight. I imagine it helps some to have a lot of experience versus my limited experience, but still he asked me quite a few questions during our four calls that proved to be helpful in learning.

One minor learning moment came as we discussed meeting people the first time versus second and third times. If you've met someone once and had even a minute or so of conversation, the second time seems more comfortable, and by the third time you start to feel like you know them, even if your total conversation time is 15 minutes. Strange, but true, and I've seen that reflected in the networking I do at various events. But that's not quite the learning moment. The key - to me - is to realize that in many cases you're 'interviewing' and 'being interviewed' to see if you want at some later point to have a longer or deeper conversation.

That's not to say that every time you meet someone new it's all about you, or that you're testing them. I think there is value in just meeting new people. But realistically, we're hoping that some of those connections turn into something richer. For me for example, nothing quite so interesting as to meet someone knew that can bring a new and thoughtful perspective to something I am interested in, or maybe don't know I'm interested in yet!

Another point was that if someone approaches you because of who you are (author, speaker, etc) pay extra care in dealing with them. They are to a degree sold on "you" and from a business/networking perspective you want to handle that meeting well, and also do some good follow ups, even if just an email to say it was nice to talk for a while.

I asked Don about his strategy for touching people in his network, if he has an A list, B List, etc. Interestingly he doesn't, though he knows that many experienced networkers do that. He said it was a combination of having a system that worked for him that didn't require it, and lack of a system that might make it easier for him to try to manage his list that way. He does highly recommend dropping a note or a call to people you may have a chance to see at an upcoming event - a way to refresh things prior to the meeting. I think that's highly relevant for many of us that rarely meet in person. Making the assumption that everyone will put your forum nickname or twitter handle to a face isn't always a good one!

I had a friend ask if I would recommend this six hour phone coaching approach to others. That's a good ($400!) question. I was very pleased with what I learned, but I also felt like it was the right learning at the right time. I had a number of events coming up where I would have lots of chances to meet people during presentations, I'd be giving presentations, attending dinners, etc. Those opportunities were real world workshops for me, without those I would have learned stuff, but it would have much more theory. I'm not the networking master by any means, but the feedback I received from Don enabled me to remold some ideas I had about networking in positive way. But I still haven't answered the question, right?

Ok. If you're doing presentations, training, thinking of moving into management or consulting, I think spending some money on networking books is a must-do, and then - with some ground work in place - I would really recommend the coaching. What if you're a 'regular' person, a DBA or developer who wants to improve their skills? The books still make sense, but I think an in person class is a better fit so that they can provide some of that workshop time as part of the class. Probably the same amount of money, but I think it would be a better fit in that case.

I'll finish up by saying that I still struggle to remember names, that is going to take effort and practice. Follow ups and conversation I think do ok at. Analyzing networking styles I'm not great at, but just understanding some of what drives people to network (or not) in different ways definitely has helped some already. I'm also thinking that companies are missing out by not providing some of this training to employees, because even if you only network within your company it's an incredibly good skill to have, but most of us just work in a very small community.

With luck, one more good Don story to go!